Going Over The Hill

I struggle with time-blindnes, so the whole birthday thing always sneaks up on me. Like, I know when it is theoretically, but it always feels so far away, like "oh that's at the end of the year" and we aren't there yet, right?! But then Christmas decorations are up all of a sudden and the radio has turned into an awful reminder of how deep the Christian-right has dug its heels into our culture and whoa... its time for that birthday (I wonder if Jesus has the same problem?).

Anyway, I bring this up because in a similar vein, I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Becoming an "adult" always felt so far away... and even in the midst of it, adulthood doesn't feel right, even at 40. But there was a short while where I thought "it might rule to be a youth pastor / associate pastor" and I even did the things to pursue it.

Studying theology though, wow is that a surefire way to lose your faith.

You discover just how much of the Bible was made by committee and how political decisions impacted the early church as much as anything. But still, the role of youth / associate pastor felt right up my alley, so I tried to hang in there.

While doing my internship we did things like: plan a couple weekly lessons, read books/articles, visit members of the congregation, do hospital / nursing home visits, counsel people who setup an appointment or called with questions, and lead prayers before local events and activities. It was pretty chill and something I more or less enjoyed doing. It felt like continuing school but not having to teach full-time.

The only problem was that whole faith bullshit...

Now as a member of TST and a person on the council of my local congregation though, it feels like something along those lines might be possible again. Not as a paid job, but at least as a side-gig. And I'm enjoying the hell out of it!

One of the biggest things athiests struggle with is creating some sense of community, and it's been sorely lacking in my adult life. Friend groups come and go as life gets busy, family drifts apart over time, and unless you start a family and busy yourself with all kinds of work and kid events, there's this gap where you miss just doing stuff with likeminded folks. And this is filling that hole so nicely.

If I were to be extra cheesy, it feels kinda like I've found part of myself that I lost. But we wouldn't want to be extra cheesy would we? Especially not in Wisconsin, lol.

Metztli // happy almost birthday jesus